However, I am here again, because in a nut shell, my health is in trouble.  My body is in trouble, and to be quite honest my life is being threatened. And I’m scared. Specifically my heart. I come from a line of bad hearts and I have not been good to mine. Not by any streatch of the imagination. Over the past months I have had heart issues, but unfortunatly I have not listened to it, and done what I should have been doing by taking care of myself. To add to it, my body is now no longer processing sugar like it should, and so I know I am extremely close to diabetes if I’m not already there already. That is yet to be determind. So I’ve added on yet another reason that I have to make some changes in my eating.

     Which is hard. because I LOVE food. no really, I LOVE it. I love the way it tastes, feels, makes me feel. I love the oral satisfaction it gives my mouth. I love all the different cultures and choices and selections. I love giving the gift of food. I love growing food. I even kinda love cooking it. Sort of. Baking I do love. Oh those sugar treats.

   So making the changes is going to be even tougher before,when I WANTED to change. I don’t really want to change at the moment. But I know that this time I HAVE to change. Really, am I willing to die over a cupcake? How could I be that selfish to my family? To my husband and children who I would leave behind because I didn’t have enough will power to say no to a cookie. Seriously, I would rather live.

So here I go yet again on anouther journey. I can only Pray (oh and I will be praying!) that this one goes better than all the ones before it, because this time, its not about me anymore. Its not about what I want. Its about survival.

My first step in this process is quite obvious. I have to cut out Sugar. Oh my beloved sugar, how I will miss you so.  I am cutting out as much sugar as I can, I’m sure it won’t be zero percent seeing as all natural foods are pretty high in sugar to begin with, but I am going to do everything I can to cut out all excess and added sugars. I am vowing to myself not even to lick the batter or icing off my fingers after baking. Siiiiiigh. Next is cutting down on fat as much as possible for my heart health. I’m sure that one will be pretty tough too. But I think the sugar is going to be the hardest. Cause ya see, as stated before, I love to bake. I even have a cooking blog going, (as seen in the links section)  and most of it is focused on baking up to this point. Since I do love to do it, I will not be giving up baking. This makes my life change that much tougher. But I will find people to give as much of it away as possible. I will be doing my very best to not eat what I bake. That sucks.  That will probably be the hardest challenge through all of this.

I do hope that one day I am healthy enough that I may get to once again enjoy the sugary goodness desserts, but right now, my body doesn’t have that kind of time.

So lets get started:

3/13/09

Breakfast

3 scrambled eggs

 Breakfast snack - 94 % FF popcorn

Lunch

1 medium baked potato

1 small baked potato

2 cups broccoli florettes

1 slice cheese

1/4 tsp margerine

Afternoon snack:  homemade baked pita chips

Dinner:

Pot roast veggies (wasnt interested in eating meat tonight)

 2 biscuits (oh my sweet carbs)

Water:

2 glasses

 strawberry cheerios – 2 cups – 4.8 points

1 cup of milk – 3 points

Lunch

Wheat pita pocket – 2.4 points

lettuce – 0 points

2 oz chicken – 3 points

2 tbs FF dressing – 0.6 points

Dinner

Small portion of lasagna – Unknown points – serving size I’d say it was just over a cup, I ate it in a small bowl instead of on a large plate, I’m pretty sure it stayed within my last 12 points??

Water – 2 glasses

Supplements – none

I was very tired today, so I didn’t exercise and I forgot to take my supplements. I had good reason to be tired, my yorkies like to bark at 5 am sharp every reason to wake me up, and today they started at 3 am. So I didn’t get much sleep last night. I need to make sure I do better tomorrow though, I don’t want to fall back into the sleeping all day being lazy and not feeling good pattern. I did do good on my food intake today though! Yay for victories

3 eggs -  7.5 points

1 protien shake – 5 points

Lunch:

smart ones meal – 5 points

Dinner:

small homemade sub sandwhich – point unknown

1 serving of baked cheetos

Water intake: 4 glasses (woot!)

supplements:

b-12

ginko

st johns

Exercise:  1 1/2 hours of grocery shopping

I got some great foods today at the store. I bought things that I knew I would eat, but were also healthy choices. I’m already feeling better today and it’s really only day two (three for exercise). You know I haven’t even stepped on a scale yet. I have no idea what my starting weight is, I’ve just been focusing on feeling better, having more energy, and getting healthy.  I jumped a major hurdle today. I was trying on some clothes at the store, which normally is a very sad depressing thing for me, as clothes never look on me what I pictured it while hanging on the rack. well this time I went into the dressing room and before I even put the first thing on I told myself OUT LOUD, ” if you don’t look good in it, who cares? it wasn’t right for you, just put it back and move on.  Yes, you are overweight, but you are doing somthing about it and it will change! Keep going, there is somthing out there thats perfect for you, and who cares about the rest of it. don’t let it get you down ”  And you know what?? IT WORKED!!! I even LAUGHED at myself when I would try somthing on that was too tight or ill fitting. It was a pretty funny thing to see. There is no reason I have to take it negatively. I am who I am. My weight is only one part of me, a part of me that I am bettering. I LOVE ME!  (btw I even found two outfits for church because I kept trucking along and didnt give up or let it get me down, BONUS!)

Breakfast:

3 eggs -  7.5 points

1 protein drink – 5 points

Lunch:

 1 cup white rice

small steak

Snack:

94% FF Popcorn – 1.4 points

Dinner:

1 baked chicken breast

1 1/2 cups of chicken flavored rice

water:

 2 glasses

1 glass of iced tea

Suplements taken:

b-12

St johns wort

Ginko

Exercise:

 25 min of brisk walking with the dog

 my eating habits were not up to par with dieting today, BUT I did exercise!  I walked for 40 min today with my dog. Not sure yet how far I went, but it was a continuous 40 min! thats somthing! I even drank some water today! I know, amazing right? Luckily its time for a trip to the grocery store, so I can work on geting healthy stuff again.  Here’s to another go round!

Breakfast:

nothing (slept in)

Lunch:

1/4 head of cabbage

1/2 can of soup

Dinner:

2 small steak fajhitas w/ cheese

Snacks:

6 triscuit crackers

1 oreo (yes only 1)

1 snack package of animal crackers

Looking back at my days menu it’s no wonder I am so snacky tonight. I need to do better at eating more during the day. Hopefully that will help curb my cravings. I’m just not eating enough and that could lead to binging, and we dont want to go there!

Breakfast:

2 eggs – 5 points

1 slice of bread – 1.5 points

1 banana – 1 point

Lunch:

1 small slice of beer bread

10 oz steak

cup of chicken tortilla soup

 handful of fried onion strings

5 pieces of grilled shrimp

1/2 cup cheesy potatos

butter

 Dinner:

1 cup milk – 3 points

1 scoop protien powder – 2 points

See the hubs took me out on a date today to our favorite restraunt, which is saltgrass steakhouse. While I know that # 1 it was a lot of food, and # 2 it wasn’t the best choices, all in all I don’t feel I ruined my week. I did smashingly all week, made great choices, ate small portions, and ended up under my points most times (which i know we really arent supposed to do)  so if anything I only ended up dipping into my weekly flex points, but certainly nothing to quit about. I really enjoyed my meal with my hubby and I am going to leave it at that.  Tomorrow my points start all over again !

Breakfast:

1/2 can soup – 0.5 points

lunch :

pot roast soup – 1 point

crackers – 2.1 points

special k bar 3.1 points

dinner :

salad with dressing – 0.6 points

Chicken breast – 6 points

 1 cup fat free cream of chicken & Rice  – unknown points (around 7 I would believe)

Snack:

pita bread – 3 points

total: I believe I averaged about 23 points today. still a bit under but way closer to my goal than the previous days

Attitude:

I’m starting to get hungry again and was digging around the kitchen. not good! I kept myself in check though, and ate a salad while waiting for dinner to finish baking. Still needed some carbs so instead of going for rolls or texas toast like I REALLY wanted, I had a piece of pita bread. that worked. Hopefully I will feel up to moving around and getting in some exercise soon

Breakfast:

1/2 can chicken noodle soup

lunch:

1/2 bowl of chicken tortilla soup from chilis

around 20 tortilla chips (to try to get extra salt in for my ulcers)

dinner:

1/2  a guiltless chicken platter from chilis (grilled chicken breast, corn on the cob, broccolli and about 1/2 – 3/4 cup seasoned rice)

Snack:

1 cup of milk

1 scoop protien powder

Attitude:

Apparently I have been overdoing it in the physical sense while I’m sick. So today when I went out, I got to ride in style, in one of these…

I could get use to that! I am thankful I don’t have to though. But it was nice to use for a day. It’s also fun when you have a mom who will race along  the store with you

and a dad who will play referee to start said races,

and will dance in the middle of that very store for no reason at all

Breakfast:

1/2 can chicken noodle soup – 2.5 points

Lunch :

 nothing – 0 points

Dinner :

3/4 can of clam chowder – 6 points

Snack:

1/2 bottle of snapple – 1.1 points

1 cup milk - 3 points

1 scoop protien powder – 2 points

 1/2 cup of chex mix (trying to use up my points ) – 2.2 points (it didnt work, lol)

total points used:  16.8 points

Attitude:  

At this point its been easy to use weight watchers! I can’t even eat a whole can of soup, and honestly the only reason I’ve eaten anything at all the last two days is because I can’t take my meds on an empty stomach.  The hard part right now is using all my points. Too bad that won’t always be the case! I do feel better today. The pain is much more managable with the help of  the meds. Unfortunately they don’t completely take away the pain, but I can manage.